Coping When People Don’t Understand

How do you cope with people who don’t understand ?

This is a question I have been asked on may occasions and I am aware it is something we all deal with differently… I will be the first to admit it is not easy trying to explain something we don’t understand, to others that respond with questions that you have no answers to either.  What I have learnt and realised over time is most of peoples perceptions are based on information they have gained previously which has come from the media, another persons experience or google which will all vary to your journey.


Often in these situations people may have not noticed there were any differences and they become unsure on how they will deal with the situation.  It can be as hard for people close to you to see what you are going through from the outside as it is for us on the inside.  For them to see your world shattered into pieces and not know what they can do to assist without causing more grief can be difficult… We also need to realise the presence and understanding of Autism today is very different to  what it was years ago, which has impacted peoples views and perceptions. Rather than taking it personally this is where I learnt we need to educate people, as we all at different phases of understanding and with that comes the different phases of grieving.  Yes others will grieve too, just in a different way and for different reasons than you…


It the beginning I was so consumed by what was happening that I did what I needed to do along with what I felt was best for our family… This often meant putting distance between me and others to keep my sanity.  No matter what others think you need to do what you feel is right for you at that point in time.  People who don’t get what you are going through, will take time to grasp this which is okay, but in the mean time you need to focus on you and your immediate family. This is not something that changes over night, it is a long term journey.  A journey which people fail to emphasise the importance of to you as the parent/carer being the priority along with your immediate family.


By distancing yourself from others you can then choose when it suits to arrange catch ups and yes you may loose connections as some people may not be able to understand your choices.  I won’t say its easy, but I learnt that there is nothing I can do change other peoples views and sometimes they find it hard watching what you are going through and you can only hope that in time you may be able to re-connect. By creating this distance allows you to schedule times where your day may not be so busy or where you know it won’t impact on your daily routine.  It’s about taking control of a situation and doing what works for you…  Yes you may offend people but remember it is their choice to take offence to what you have said, not yours.  Don’t feel guilty for doing something that is in the best interest of you and your immediate family.


At the end of the day no matter what happens in life we are all impacted by situations within our home and externally, the choice we need to make is how much you allow this control the choices we make…


People n Situations perception